saudade.

the voids of loneliness.

saudade.

city lights cascade the night,

strong aromas of booze savor

the winds as they drift away-

but soon, they resurrect

from our breath- our mouths

vials of liquid poisons-

-

parties behind alleys,

bleached blonde brows,

cat eyes, glitter streaks,

studded boots, and sweat

like moisturizer glossing each face-

raves in backyards,

flashing strobe lights,

a rainbow collecting souls,

and we dissect, into rows

of ultraviolet rays-

there’s a boy, lit in indigo-

he reminds me of him.

his manners reminiscent-

and in a dance, bodies

syncing like waves,

i meet him.

-

his kiss on my lips,

press a secret-

he confesses he’s lonely

and has lost his way-

i tell him- i feel the same.

-

and in silent agreement,

we proclaim, affection for a night,

is all we need to quench

the thirsts of yearning.

and we, ring out lust

in a stranger’s home.

-

in the heat of the moment,

i remember he is a mystery too,

and our names, pseudonyms,

hide our shame.

-

broken for different reasons,

we align, before we separate,

and once again, we search for the next wilting leaf

trying to turn a night into sufficiency.

-

and i, in my chaos, plant myself in misery-

i have failed again.

-

at my best, i’d declare tonight is the finale-

and with the strength of goliath,

move forward- but i have not

yet dodged that stone.

-

the night is my mistress,

and my vulnerability feeds

off the convenience of our infidelity.

-

so my eyes wander-

they contemplate escape-

but when the lights return,

blue chooses my face-

and once again, so does his.

*Published in Roi Fainéant Literary Press